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This Serving of Spam Brought to You by Barrister.Lucas Koffi

May 20, 2009


This one actually came to the office, but I have such a soft spot for barristers. Next time I’ll share the invitations I’ve been receiving from Christian Dating sites.

Attention: The Director/Ceo,

I am Barrister.Lucas Koffi a Lawyer to Late Mr Dixon Paul.. here in Republic Of Benin. I am writing following an opportunity in my office that will be of immense benefit for both of us. I discovered an abandoned sum of $8.6million,(Eight Million Six Hundred Thousand Dollars) in an account that belongs to my client Late Mr Dixon Paul an American who unfortunately lost his life in the Tsunami disaster in Thailand 2005.

That poor, abandoned money. The first question that comes to mind, though, is why a barrister from West Africa is representing an American who died in Thailand.  Also, it’s 2009 – what took you so long?

when he travelled to Thailand on vacation,including his wife and only daughter.Since the bank the Continental Bank got information about his death, they have been expecting his next of kin or relatives to come over and claim his money because the bank cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in their banking guidelines.

Unfortunately I learnt that his supposed next of kin being his only daughter died along with him in the Tsunami disaster leaving nobody with the knowledge of this fund behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and one other officials in this bank now decided to make business with you and release the money to you as the next of kin or beneficiary of the funds for safety keeping and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don’t want this money to go back into Bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

So is Barrister Koffi suggesting I pull a Princess Anastasia?  The illegality of it intrigues me.  Tell me more.

The banking law and guidelines here stipulates that if such money remained after five years the money will be transferred into banking treasury as unclaimed funds.

Heaven forbid that orphaned sum remain in a cold, lonely bank.  What can I do to help?

We agreed that 30% of this money will be for you as foreign partner,10% will be used to offset expenses that might incurred during the course of making this transaction a success while 60% will be for me and my colleague… I will visit your country once the deal is concluded for the disbursement of the fund according to the percentages indicated above once this money gets into your account.

Wait a minute, what ‘colleague’? What’s his name? What are his credentials? I won’t accept anything less than a Baron or Deacon in a co-conspirator. Or someone who’s voiced by Kelsey Grammer. Also, I want a free trip to Thailand.  Obviously I’ll need to have documentation made up to prove that I’m Mr. Dixon Paul’s long-lost niece’s cousin’s uncle’s daughter’s favorite blogger.  Shouldn’t be too hard – after all, both our surnames are also male first names. That should count for something.

Please be honest to me and trust is our watchword in this transaction.Note this transaction is confidential and risk free.As soon as you receive this mail you should contact me by reply mail. Please note that all necessary arrangement for the smooth release of these funds to you has been finalized.

I want very much to be honest to you, Barr. Koffi which is why I’m going to point out that the arrangments can’t be finalized until I give you all my account information, access to my security deposit box, a few blank checks, my credit cards, and various passwords like the one to the account in the Caymans. I hope I’ve shown that trust is my watchword as well, I could have easily forgotten to mention those things to you.

We will discuss much in details when I do receive your response to my alternative email address:( So,If you are interested and willing to assist in this mutual benefit transcation in good faith get back to me for details.

Gee, I don’t know, doesn’t sound very reputable, unless he represents the inventor of the Toad Cooling System ™ for terrariums in which  case I’d love to be in business with such a genius!

Best regards,

From;Barrister.Lucas Koffi.

Nah, forget it – too many periods and semi-colon abuse.  We could never be friends.

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