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How I’d Like NCIS to End

March 31, 2009


NCIS, as one of the hottest shows on television, is certainly in no danger of cancellation, but after six seasons on the air, considerations for the finale are inevitable.  Though Criminal Minds only improved with the arrival of Joe Mantegna, it’s doubtful NCIS could survive in the event that Mark Harmon pulls a Patinkin.  So when the Naval Criminal Investigative Service does close its final case, here’s how I hope it goes:

Tony and Ziva, sitting in a tree. After the inevitable hook-up, they both realize that the feelings between them are more than sexual tension and bicker their way into matrimony. Then Tony has to juggle his job and an extremely hormonal Ziva who doesn’t believe that pregnancy should prevent her from carrying a gun. They move onto their own spin-off – The DiNozzos.

Abby lives up to her promise and murders McGee without leaving any forensic evidence. Something to do with a dog and her toothbrush. Her bout of madness is later attributed to a brain aneurysm, which also accounts for why she’s been having sex with dead people.  Oops – wrong show. Actually, McGee leaves NCIS and becomes a full-time novelist and Abby spends her free time helping him come up with new ways to kill people.

Mr. Palmer finally becomes Dr. Palmer. After Ducky retires to teach opera at Oxford, the junior medical examiner is promoted, only to realize that he’d rather be a veterinarian.  He moves to Florida where he opens his own practice and spends his days Doctor Dolittling. Though his habit of having conversations with his patients and his affinity for random historical trivia are considered eccentric, he becomes a beloved fixture of the community.

Director Vance chokes on a toothpick.  Jenny Sheppard visits him a la Dickens, and shows him the meaning of life, the universe, and everything.  Vance wakes up in the hospital and decides to forgo the foods that get stuck in his teeth from then on.

Gibbs sails off into the sunset. Or sunrise.  Whatever floats his boat – get it? Gibbs gets the only kind of ending that could make a man like him happy, just a man and the sea, a few fond memories, a bottle of bourbon, and a Mr. Coffee coffee maker.

Stay tuned for more.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. stephanie permalink
    April 1, 2009 9:40 am


  2. Coven permalink
    March 7, 2010 2:08 am

    HAHA! I agree with the Leon Vance idea. That a hole can choke on a tooth pick. I love the Abby and McGee idea as well. It would be a sweet ending wouldn’t it. But I reckon the producers are either going to kill off someone, most likely Abby or Tony. I know. Crazy Idea but thats what producers do, like how Grissom was kicked off CSI.

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