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Five Things to Consider Before Posting an Ad on Craigslist

March 26, 2009

craigslist1

1. Any writer who would actually respond to your ad seeking help penning that screenplay/novel/memoir/cookbook/Jewish Kama Sutra you’ve always been dreaming about is not a real writer. Real writers do not spend time writing other people’s stories when we could be playing solitaire or drinking.  No, not even if you promise us a cut of the profits if/when you sell your manuscript.  Trust me, we have plenty of our own ideas, we don’t need yours, and we certainly don’t need someone micromanaging our paragraphs.  Ick.  I’m hard pressed to think of anything more tortuous than having someone who admits they don’t know what they’re doing, try to tell me how to do what I do best.

2. Listing your apartment/house rental as ‘pet friendly’ when you only allow cats, or ‘will consider’ dogs under 25 pounds is false advertising and I should sue your ass. This discrimination against size-challenged dogs is unfounded, but everywhere.  Sure, some large dogs are trouble, but obviously these homeowners have never walked into an apartment with a dirty litterbox and a shredded couch or crossed paths with a pack of ravenous chihuahuas.

3. Learn how to spell. No, seriously.  No matter what you’re selling/trading/seeking/wishing/hoping/dreaming/praying, I will automatically assume you’re an ignoramus if you can’t be bothered to spell out the entire word ‘you.’  You’re posting because you either want something from me, or are offering something to me, and either way, I don’t want to do business with someone that lazy or grammatically incorrect.  English isn’t your first language?  If you’re serious about getting rid of that free dirt, or selling tickets to see Britney, then ask someone to proofread your ad before you hit ‘submit.’

4. Ditch the asterisks*, dollar $igns, extra exclamation points!!! and ALL-CAPS. They’re eye-catching, yes, much the same way a hooker in lime green fishnets is eye-catching.  They’re still trashy, and the mark of a spammer.  Why should I assume you’re a legitimate source of goods when your subject line has random Capitalization and a few {brackets} in front?

5. Don’t post a personals ad.  Just don’t.  Unless you are specifically looking for sex, and don’t mind the possibility of STDs. There are probably a number of respectable men and women who search and post in the personals, but the majority seem to be composed of benefactors, tall, kinda ugly nice guys, or voluptuous, curvy Italian moms.  It’s impossible to take anyone seriously.  Don’t believe me?  Maybe you should ask the guy looking for a girl who reads textbooks and wears thongs.

Quote of the Day:

I would like a man to perform some duties that have become beholden to him through generations of selection, and to a lesser degree, racism, sexism and plain stupidity.

Here’s what I need. I need a man, first and foremost, to get my damn car out of the snow. There’s only one of me. I need someone to push it and by “it” I mean car. You can say, “crank it!” or maybe “gun it!” or “that’s my FOOT, goddammit!” Seriously I need groceries. Oh. Also I need a tune-up. On the car. I can help, I will purchase the air filter and flushing fluid or whatever.

– read the rest of this ‘Best-of-Craigslist’ post here

Link of the Day: Someone made a movie about Craiglist and didn’t tell me?

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 28, 2009 1:42 am

    This blog’s great!! Thanks :).

  2. March 29, 2009 10:47 pm

    I love this. Awesome job Megan.

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