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Asexual in the City

January 21, 2009
not just for amoebas anymore

Asexuality: not just for amoebas anymore

One of the things I worried about when I first named this blog was that people would click the link expecting to find the adventures of a call girl.  It was entirely possible “Hollywood Jane” might make me sound like a hooker.  (I was going for a whole Calamity Jane/Jane Doe/anonymity thing that I’m pretty sure doesn’t translate across the internet.)

Now I find the possibility of someone traversing my blog looking for sex wonderfully ironic, since stories of sexcapades are the last thing ever to be found here.  Ever.  No, seriously, I mean it.  This is a sexless zone.  Sorry if that’s disappointing.

Amazingly enough, there are other people in the world who share my disinclination for sex, though for whatever reason most of them seem to live in the U.K.  (I believe that has to do with how sexualized American society is, making it difficult for those in the U.S. to admit that they lack the desire to get it on.)  There’s even a dating site or two – romance and companionship, after all, don’t require physical intimacy.

I’ve traveled the boards, I’ve even arranged a few meet-ups in the area for like-minded individuals, and met several very pleasant albeit socially inept people.  But I have yet to meet The One.

Well, the other week I got a message on the dating site from a guy in L.A. who blew off two of the meet-ups I’d arranged through AVEN.

hello, are you still searching?

My new year’s resolution was carried over from 2008: I was not going to miss out on opportunities because of fear.  I was going to take chances.  So I replied that since I hadn’t found what I was looking for, yes, I was still searching.

What kinda guy are you looking for? I’m 28 yr old hispanic in ventura county. I work fulltime ,got my own place. I have a pic if you’d like. well talk to you soon.

I can overlook capitalization errors in electronic messaging, but the ability to put together a written sentence is kind of a necessity.  I’m an English snob.  When you’re as…particular as I am, there’s not a lot of point in being coy.   So I told him the truth.

Have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally? That’s what I want. Essentially, I want to live in a romantic comedy, which is the main reason, aside from the whole asexual thing, that I’m still single.

I figured that would either scare him off, or spurn him to declare his undying love of Rob Reiner, what a coincidence!  Who doesn’t enjoy witty banter and impossible romance?

I have never seen it but maybe i’ll pick it up? I guess im jus lookin for a dow to earth normal woman! lol not too much to what do you do for a living?

This guy could have been the most amazing person in the world, my soulmate, the Mr. Darcy to my Elizabeth Bennet, but my God, that message was like nails on a chalkboard and immediately lowered my opinion of him.  I can’t help it.  I judge people by their grammar (or lack thereof).  The occasional typo is one thing – such cruelty to punctuation is another.

Still, it’s not like I have guys flocking to me, and it seemed a little careless to so quickly abandon someone who met my number one criteria in the opposite sex and happened to live in my general area.  I tossed off a reply, and haven’t heard from him since.

I’m a 5’5 Caucasian female from a solid middle-class background, and despite my aversion to cameras and issues with self-image, I’ve been told I’m reasonably attractive.  Unfortunately, I’m not the type to settle or compromise with my desires.  And my two biggest obstacles to finding romance are non-negotiable.  If you ever think of yourself as being in the social minority, try being both atheist and asexual and see how far that gets you.

Quote of the Day:

Revealing mistakes: In the scene with Edward and Bella talking in the cafeteria (when she drops the apple and he catches it) it is apparent that he has pit stains. Vampires don’t sweat.

-from the Twilight ‘Goofs’ page on

Link of the Day: Other blogs and sites about asexuality for the curious

2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 21, 2009 12:37 pm

    Semi-funny story: I met my current (and wonderful) boyfriend through a complete and utter douchebag that I met via an online dating site. Online dating worked for me… sorta.

    Oh, and I totally judge people based on their grammar. I hate it when people can’t even put together a legitimate sentence. The internet has ruined people. Thankfully, there’s still literate bloggers in this world. Haha, ;)

  2. davidgljay permalink
    January 23, 2009 11:11 am

    Good to hear that connections are happening through the asexual dating scene (even if some of them are misfires.)

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